Friday, May 27, 2011

Different Phases of Coping

Due to my injury this past month has been very challenging. I haven't been able to practice at the level that I've grown accustomed to or even at all on most days for that matter. The days I did manage to practice I only succeeded in re-injuring myself.

For several weeks prior to my injury I was kind of feeling like I hit a plateau in my practice and I was left wanting more. Instead of having breakthrough after breakthrough it felt like same ole same ole. I guess I wasn't specific enough with what I was looking for out of my practice which is probably why the universe handed me a big heaping of intercostal neuralgia myalgia to cope with. And cope with I did not initially. My initial response was denial and I continued to practice as usual with the same determination and that didn't go over well at all. I'm pretty sure that's the reason why I'm still not 100% recovered almost a month after the fact.

After denial was no longer an effective coping mechanism I turned to anger and frustration. I took a few days off from practice and once the pain subsided a little I'd be back on my mat. And because I couldn't practice at my pre-injury levels (and boy did I try) this led to a few teary breakdowns during savasana.

The next time I stepped on my mat was my gimpiest practice ever. I practiced slowly and removed almost every flourish that one can think of. I think at that point it would have been difficult to call it an ashtanga practice. But the fact is I was pain free up until it came time for urdhva dhanurasana. I went all out with that pose and after the third one I was barely able to complete the finishing sequence. Needless to say that I only made it through the standing postures the following day. I almost broke down again in savasana but I wouldn't let myself and I decided to accept my practice for what it was that day. And amazingly by the time I left the shala I had the same positive energy that I normally have when I do my full practice.

And so I'm continuing to give it my gimpiest best during practice and to challenge my ego when she says "come on jump back you can do it". And instead of listening to that voice which I have too many times in the past I step back gingerly and proceed to have a pain free practice. I will continue to do so until I am 100% pain free and the threat of re-injury is minimal.
Who cares if it will take me another six months to build up the flexibility to be able to bind in marichyasana d again.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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