Nausea, Not Pining and New Poses

I felt nauseated during practice again today. I stepped out of the room before parsvottanasana and spoke to JB when I came back in. The nausea was so bad today I was almost on the verge of tears while I was outside the room. So after disclosing that I wasn't in fact pregnant to JB he suggested that the nausea could be from all of the nerve cleansing going on thanks to the deep back bends of second series. He also said there there might be some anxiety on my part as I face the more challenging poses of second. I'm not generally a nervous person as it is so that hypothesis didn't seem to hold much water with me at the time.

Today I actually did primary up to baddha konasana and then went on to second. Ustrasana felt great as I was able to move my hips far forward while I was in the pose and laghu is continuing to improve as well. As I set up for kapo a huge wave of nausea swept over me, perhaps I was anxious after all. I closed my eyes and took a few moments to focus on my breath and after doing that I was able to face kapotasana. I did it once by myself and was able to grab my toes I then waited for an assist from JB. I asked him to place my left hand first which he did and I think that made a huge difference as I was able to surrender and breath as I held on to both heels. I've been having some tightness in my erector spinae on the left side and when I'm adjusted into kapotasana with my right hand first it causes a lot of discomfort and cramping on the left side. So hopefully we can do it this way going forward to make it more bearable.

Supta vajrasana is still pretty sucky and I think it will continue to be that way until I can cross my elbows correctly behind me thus enabling me to keep hold of my feet as I arc back. By having my hands and feet bound I don't even know how I manage to arch back to get my head to the floor because I literally feel stuck like there's no way to go. After supta vajrasana JB had me vinyasana and assume pashasana position. I shook my  head furiously as if to say that I didn't want a new pose but he didn't get the memo and proceeded to ignore me so off to bakasana it was. Mind you, I've never been able to do that pose during any of the vinyasa classes that I attended during my previous lifetime. It was always a dreaded pose for me along with almost all forward bends. Something about the ashtanaga practice over the past year and learning to bear weight on my arms while leaning forward has taken a lot of fear out of the pose and I was surprised by my ability to do it. Thankfully we only did the A version as I'm sure I would have been completely humbled by any attempt at the B version.

As I prepared for my back bends it was as though my nausea had miraculously disappeared and I was feeling well. Dare I even say good? You know that good feeling that you get after practice sometimes and all feels right in the world? Well that's how I felt.

Am really looking forward to led class tomorrow for some reason. 

Over the Moon

I'm over the moon that today is a moon day which is a rarity because I would practice everyday if I could. But for some reason I felt like I've been hit by the yoga truck multiple times this week. My body felt so sore some days I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to make it through practice. Add to that the three new poses that I got Tuesday and needless to say my muscles could use a break.

Speaking of new poses, I'm pretty sure that JB hates me and that's why he tacked on ustrasana, laghu, and kapo all at once. I'm pretty sure it's written somewhere is the annals of ashtanga yoga that that is a no no. JB usually gives out ustrasana and laghu and then a few weeks later he'll add on kapo. But anyway my first actual attempt at those poses on my own was quite laughable and I failed to lift myself up out of kapo correctly the first time which led to a complete fail. The second time was slightly better but my challenge is being able to get my left elbow to the floor. Oddly enough I've got some serious soreness going on in my left triceps close to the insertion point near my elbow. I never expected that at all from the pose as I was mostly anticipating pain and soreness in the lower back. Don't get me wrong there IS soreness in my back but nothing compared to what's going on with arms and legs. Did we discuss my legs yet? My poor quads felt like jell-o and I had to think twice about leaving my apartment since I live on the 5th floor of a walk-up.

I did however leave my apartment to treat myself to a massage yesterday and that coupled with the time spent with my has really helped the situation. I'm happy that tomorrow is led primary and I won't have to face second again until Sunday. Hopefully by then my muscles will have had a chance to recover and I plan to help things along by increasing my protein intake.

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Vinyasa-less Practice = Increased Flexibility?

I didn't sleep well last night so when the alarm went off this morning I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through practice. In an effort to help things along I purchased an espresso at my local Starbucks before heading to the shala. The caffeine hadn't kicked in by the time I got to my mat causing me to almost forget to chant the invocation. As my left hand/wrist has been tweaked most of the week I’ve cut out a bunch of the vinyasas  since Monday on the recommendation of JB.

Part way through seated I got this sensation as though I wasn't practicing in my normal body. I’m not sure if there is any correlation between my cutting back on vinyasas and my extra flexibility but I felt like elastic girl today. Forward bends were deep and effortless even from the first surya namaskars. I was touching my torso to my highs which doesn’t usually happen until after ardha baddha padmottanasana and it kept rolling from there. Wrist grab in paschimottanasana c, knee to floor in both ardha baddha paschimottanasana and janushirasana c. And the piece de resistance was an actual head touch on both sides of krounchasana with nary a hint of nausea to be found. I’ve seen minimal progress in that pose since I started practicing it and all of a sudden everything seems possible. Oh and there were several titibasana attempts at coming out of supta kurmasana.  On the first attempt I insisted to E one of the assistants that I just couldn’t do it. She told me that I had the strength and flexibility to pull it off and she asked if it hurt in my hamstrings. When I thought about it I realized that there was no physical pain or discomfort stopping me from doing the pose at all so I attempted unsuccessfully a second time.  For good measure I gave it a go one last time and I came much closer than ever to fully extending my legs over my shoulders. Once I was done I tried to simultaneously bring both feet back to bakasana position and I almost face planted but it was fun.

After all that fun I was curious to see what was in store in terms of back bending. After some press ups from the floor and a few attempts using the wall I got out my pile of four blankets. To my surprise I dropped back and came back up three times. I figured what heck and removed one of the blankets and once again I was able to drop back and come up again. Then I did it again and dropped back to two blankets and was able to stand back up. Being one to push my luck I removed the 2^nd blanket and attempted to drop back to just one and I didn’t get very far but I was ok with that because I’ve accelerated my 4 week plan by two weeks. And can I just say that standing up from back bends feels like magic? Oh and I don’t think JB witnessed any of it. Or maybe he witnessed all of it but didn’t want to say anything for fear of messing up my rhythm.

Practice can’t continue to be this good and I fully expect to get hit by the ashtanga truck any day now.

Another Practice Report Recap

In terms of my practice August has been an interesting month. My favorite assistant left at the beginning of the month and my practice really hasn't been the same since. I've had a few teary breakdowns during savasana and after practice but I think that is mostly behind me now. I had a really nice chat with one of my shalamates after practice and as always she had some wise words to share with me.

My practice has entered a new phase where I'm no longer an ashtanga beginner but I'm definitely far from an advanced practitioner and the level of attention that I once received when I first started isn't there anymore.  I rarely get any assistance during UHP anymore and while I can pretty much approximate the pose on my own these days most days I long for assistance at that point. I guess the point of mysore style yoga is to be able to develop a self practice and I'm on my way to achieving that.

In other practice related news I've been flirting with binding pashasana on one side. It's not a regular daily occurring but it's been happening more frequently. One of the first days that it happened JB was standing on my mat behind me and about to give me some help when he saw that I bound on my own and he didn't step in to help me go deeper into the pose. One thing that has helped my pashasana but has had virtually no effect on my supta kurmasana is getting deep wrist binds in all of the marichyasanas on both side. After all of my struggles trying to bing marichyasana d I never would have thought that I would manage anything more than a finger bind in that pose. Bhekasana continues to be my FML pose as grabbing my feet and holding on for five breathes while lifting up through the chest just doesn't resonate with my body. Today I tried the pose with a towel over each foot and I was slightly more successful in maintaining contact with me feet. And then that brings me to parsva dhanurasana which is slowly getting better but is not graceful at all, it's kind of the garba pindasana of second series. I don't miss the days of feeling like a beached whale after failing victim to that pose. As if parsvo dhanurasana wasn't bad enough on it's own, one is required to come back up into dhanurasana and hold that variation for five breaths as a kind shalamate pointed out to me last Thursday. All I can say is that my legs feel like jell-o by that point

And finally there are the drop backs which have disappeared from my practice as mysteriously as they have arrived. Actually, there is no mystery to explain their disappearance they disappeared because I hold the record for the highest number of times a yogi/ini can fall on his/her head while practicing. And that's not a record that I'm proud of and my ego isn't cool with it either. So as of yesterday I started using a pile of blankets again. I started with six and worked my way down to four. Today I started with four and drop back successfully several times to that height. My new plan is to remove one blanket a week as long as I can successfully drop back to the blanket height. So if all goes according to plan I'll be dropping back on my own sans blankets in four weeks. And if it takes longer I'll be OK with that too. 

Twisting, Binding and Assisting

Today I managed to bind on the first side in pashasana. This was a big and unexpected breakthrough today. It's even more surprising because I didn't think that I would actually make it through practice because of my monkey mind. The first half of practice was a slow and laborious struggle but by the time I got to the marichyasanas I was getting help to bind and twist deeper in each pose. I've been really focused on wrist binding the past couple of weeks but today's assists took it to a whole new level. Usually when I practice pashasana an assist comes immediately. If I happen to not get an assist I try to work the pose as best I can and and sometimes my fingers would touch slightly before tumbling over. I'm not going to get too attached to today's breakthrough because I know that everything can change tomorrow. Drop backs anyone?

My practice now goes up to dhanurasana and the combination of that pose with the shalambasanas has my lower back really feeling it. Bhekasana is still not a pose that I'm proficient at but I got some nice tips today from one of the assistants such as spending as much time as I possibly can in virasana. I'll try it out for a week and see if I notice any real difference.

One other fun thing to mention is that I'm going to be apprenticing with JB a couple of hours a week to learn how to assist. For the time being I'm pretty much useless but I'm taking it all in and hope to prove myself worthy of the honor in a short period of time.

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Oh Saṃskāra

JB is back from vacation after a two week hiatus and it's nice to have him back in the shala. It was so nice to do the opening chant together in unison again. I was excited to show him my drop back progress but unfortunately they've been elusive ever since I fell on my head twice. I'm not particularly stressed out about it but the saṃskāra from the fall is now there and is hindering my progress. Let's just hope that this too like all things is impermanent.

Other than that practice has been good the past week. No major breakthroughs but I am noticing some minor progress in my second series postures. When I attempt pashasana on my own my fingertips just barely manage to touch and krounchasana still makes me feel like I was to puke but slightly less these days. I'm getting stronger in shalambasana and noticing more flexibility in my back. And then there's bhekasana. My version of this pose is still just an approximation of the actual asana but today I did manage to grab both feet and hold on for four full breaths. My chest was a mere millimeters off the ground but my standards for progress are low.

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If a Yogini Drops Back and No One is Around to See It...

I thoroughly Sunday morning practice. The fact that I can wake up later than usual and practice without the pressure of having to go to work afterwards makes it especially enjoyable. Also, Saturday's rest day coupled with an oil bath means that my body is extra supple during practice.

Practice felt great today and I was able to get my chin or forehead to my knee is almost every pose and my bakasana exit out of supta kurmasana wasn't a fluke as I've managed to do it every day this week. I even managed to hold kukkutasana for the second time ever. While primary felt solid, my intermediate poses on the other hand still need a lot of work. I need almost two people to wrangle me into pashana, krounchasana still makes me feel like I'm going to puke and my bhekasana is practically non-existent. After the struggle with those I was thrilled to move on to back bending.

I did three urdhva dhanurasanas and felt no residual pain or tightness in the recovering rib cage area then moved to the wall to practice my drop backs. I've never been a fan of using the wall but I tried it on Thursday thanks to the suggestion of one of the assistants. When I tried dropping back to the wall today a different assistant suggested that I move further away from the wall so that I wasn't completely relying on it for support. It was a little frightening at first but once I realized that I could reach my hands back to the wall for support it felt a little less scary. I did three of those and moved my mat back and decided to try once more without the wall just to see hoe it would feel. To my surprise (it was actually more like shock) I dropped all the
way down to the floor. I thought it was a complete fluke so I tried once more and yet again I touched down. Unfortunately, JB is away on vacation and didn't see it and neither did any of the assistants so it was kind of anti-climactic. I think that when I try again tomorrow I'll wait until I have the attention of the entire room to make sure that they see it happen.


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Skip Day

It's a rare day when I skip practice and I usually only skip when I'm travelling or due to LH. When my alarm goes off in the morning I usually spring out of bed after pressing snooze once. However, when it's LH time just finding the energy to press snooze is problematic. So today was on of those days. I had the choice to either drag myself to the shala half tired and be tired for the rest of the work day or skip practice and hope that the extra sleep would do me good.

I went with the latter and I kind of regret that decision because as I sit here and type this I can barely keep my eyes open.At least if I practiced today and felt like this afterwards, I would at least feel like I accomplished something with my morning. Lesson learned I guess.

I do think that today's tiredness is a result of my pending LH but I have a sneaking suspicion that those second series poses that I've added to my primary routine are partly to blame as well. I'm hesitant to type that  because it's only five new poses but I do think there is some truth to it. Prior to starting second series my practice would leave me energized and ready to face the day. Whenever JB would adjust my hands closer to my heels in final back bending would leave me buzzing for hours. Practice these days is reminiscent of when I first started practicing mysore style and I would arrive to the office and it would be painful just to lift my eyes and say good morning to my colleagues. I hope this phase passes soon.

Good and Bad Practices

When practice is good, it can be really really good but when I have a bad day on the mat it can feel like hell. Thursday was one of those days in which I felt neither strong nor particularly flexible and on any given day I can at least count on one of those to help me through my practice. Just to get through the suryas felt like an arduous task. As I moved through the asanas it felt as though I was battling against this invisible barrier of resistance. I think part of the reason why Thursday's practice was so unbearable was because I dealing with some life issues and I brought them with me onto the mat. Another reason I'm guessing is because my body and muscles were just tired because as of two weeks ago I've start doing vinyasas between each sides of certain asanas.

What I'm also discovering is that adding some second series poses to my practice makes me extremely tired. I was given bhekasana on Tuesday and after a good hearted attempt at the pose I just collapsed on my mat when it was over. That pose is very deceiving in terms of it's difficulty level.

Friday's led primary on the other hand felt absolutely amazing. Granted I was sweating buckets from early on in the practice and the room wasn't even that warm. I felt strong and powerful as I transitioned from standing to chaturanga, dare I say it felt like I was floating through the air at times? I had wonderful savasana at the end of practice and I was able to get through the rest of my hectic day with ease.

Today I pampered myself with a castor oil bath. I was initially skeptical about it's benefits but I noticed a distinct difference in my practice after the first time I tried it. This will be my go to remedy for a tired and worn out body and I recently determined that I'm allergic to Epsom salts. Perhaps I'm mistaken regarding the cause of my eczema flareups, I hope I am, but right now they seem to be at the root cause.

Two More Down

I really do love my Sunday Mysore practices because it's the only day that I really get to enjoy a leisurely practice and not be stressed about getting to work on time. I'm not thrilled that the studio shortened the Sunday time slot but I am confident that will change in some time. Practice felt pretty good today and even though I'm still not 100% I feel as though my practice is at the same level it was before I took my unscheduled hiatus.

For the first time since getting the pose I attempted pashasana on my own and that was a most humbling experience. One of the assistants come over to help out and she managed to wrangle me into the pose on the first side but the second side was a complete failure. After seeing what a failure it truly was JB came over to give her some pointers on how to do the adjustment. What this meant for me was that I had to do the pose over again from the beginning while he walked her through it. Any pose that requires the hands, feet, legs and torso of a teacher to get the student into the pose probably isn't worth doing in my book. At one point I was almost tempted to say that they could have the pose back because I am not ready for it. But I didn't and I endured the suffering and the increasingly sore calf muscles.

Because he was feeling extra masochistic generous JB gave me the next two poses in the series Shalabhasana A and B two fairly straightforward poses that I would practice regularly during my pre-ashtanga days.

After that it was on to back bending. Urdhva dhanurasana is feeling a lot better but I still omit any attempt to lift myself up from the pose. I practiced hang backs in earnest for the first time in about a month and they felt good as well. After one pretty decent attempt one of my stalemates and occasional assistant told me to just go for it because I'm almost there. While her words were very encouraging still lack the courage to go all in. I think the other thing holding me back is my fear of re-injury. I think that once I get passed the latter fear I'll be able to attempt drop backs a bit more ambitiously. Stay tuned til then.

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And So Begins 2nd

I do indeed think the intercostals are improving and dare I say recovered. The reason I say this is because I had an even less gimpy practice yesterday and was given pashasana and survived!

I’ve been secretly wanted to start second series for quite some time now. And if I’m going to be truly honest, I’ve been jealous of all my shalamates that are currently practicing second series. I feel like there are more advanced practitioners in the room than there are beginners, not that this is a competition or anything. Granted my primary isn’t perfect but it has come a long way (thank you hamstrings for your cooperation) and I think my back bending would be even further along if I wasn’t sidelined for a month due to my intercostals injury.

So after setu bandasana I was putzing around on my mat very slowly preparing to vinyasa and proceed to back bending when JB came over and said “we’re going to try a new pose today called pashasana”. I wanted to squeal with excitement but I didn't only in my head. Before giving me the pose he said something along the lines of “given your recent instability in the chest area, it’s very important that you breathe getting into and during this pose”. My internal response was "ok how bad can this actually be". I've seen numerous shalamates contort themselves into this pose and it didn’t seem so bad. I knew that getting my heels to the floor would be a challenge and I knew that the bind would be difficult as well. What I wasn’t prepared for was the intense twist that soon followed thanks to the “help” of JB. Holy smokes batman. My second attempt tomorrow will be interesting.

After that came krounchasana and again I was thinking to myself, how bad can this actually be. All of the forward bends in primary series surely had to have lengthened my hamstrings no? Well needless to say I was once again shocked by the difficulty and intensity of the pose. Even JB made a comment about it being a relatively challenging pose. And to think that I've been looking forward to being given kapo and I can barely handle the first two poses of intermediate.

It is nice though to have something new to work on once again which will give my practice a renewed focus. However, I'm not looking forward to the new aches and pains associated with working on new poses nor am I looking forward to the longer practices.