Thursday, December 15, 2011

What a Difference a Day Makes

Wow yesterday's practice was light, flowing and fun. Today's practice on the other hand was cold, difficult and ended up with me hiding my tears while in paschimottanasana. There was no real reason for at all whatsoever but with each failed attempt at bakasana b (12 in total) I grew ever more frustrated at myself, my practice and any and everything else. I stood up for drop backs and was able to do one. I stood at the front of my mat for a moment contemplating a few more and started to get teary eyed. I turned around took a few deep breathes and then assumed the position for assisted. I couldn't look JB in the eyes because I didn't want my emotional state to become a "thing". So I just turned my head and did assisted back bends as best as I could. I sat down to do paschimottanasana and that's when I lost it.

At that point I grabbed a towel and walked out of the room and on my way to the locker room I ran into a shalamate who embraced me with open arms. She encouraged me to cry and to get it all out of my system and she was really nice about it and eventually even had me giggling at the absurdity of the situation.

I tend to think of myself as tough as nails and that's the impression that most people have of me. However, there is the rare occassion when I do have complete and utter meltdowns. The thing about today's meltdown is that it wasn't at all about the asana, yeah it sucks that I can't do a pose and I admit I sometimes get green with envy when I see shalamates flawlessly execute a pose that they were just given. But it's ladies holiday and I'm dealing with some work frustrations (the normal stuff that comes with starting a new job) and I just think that coupled with my practice frustrations led to my meltdown.

Interestingly enough I do think that there was something in the air today at the shala because quite a few of the practitioners called  it quits early because of one ailment or another. Perhaps we can blame it on the lack of moon days in December. 

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