4 Blankets, 3 Drop backs, 2 Successful Attempts at Standing

Practice was really nice today. I got to the shala extra early because I had to be on an 8AM conference call for work. The shala started off pretty quiet but it eventually got pretty busy. JB arrived right around the time that I was practicing navasana and it wasn't long before I got the juiciest adjustment in supta kurmasa. JB's adjustment really works my legs slightly up and over my head while most of the other assistants just cross my feet in front of my head. I know the that the leg behind the head poses are in my future (distant albeit) and I'm for anything I can do to ease that transition. I wasn't able to do a bakasana exit out of supta kurmasa because the right side of my left hand is all tweaky. I spoke to JB about it and he said that I'm probably rolling my hands out to the sides during my vinyasas and that I should take it easy with the jump backs this week and to pay more attention to my hand positioning during the vinyasas. And so after the discussion with him I entered each vinyasa with a bit more mindfulness and was able to eliminate most of the pain and discomfort.

I was able to bind the first side of pashasana one my own again and struggled on the second side. JB saw my struggle and told me that he'd come over to help. Of course he made me do it again on the first side but that was ok because his pashasana assists are so effortless. It's no struggle for me, no struggle for him and I'm pretty sure he does it with only one hand and with his eyes closed.

My back bending project continues and my press ups from the floor felt deep and effortless. I then did three attempts at the wall which were pretty nice as well but I was careful not to drop back fully and put too much weight on my hands. Next came out the blankets (I'm still using a stack of four). I dropped back to the blankets three times in a row without a huge pause in between. My first attempt at standing back up was an ungraceful failure of an attempt while my second attempt did in fact bring me an upright position but there was nothing graceful about that one either. My final attempt was marginally more graceful and controlled and I was utterly surprised to find myself standing at the front of my mat. A shalamate practicing besides me exclaimed "you stood up". I said something about the pile of blankets below me making the whole effort easier. Did I mention that I don't think JB witnessed any of it? Seems to be par for the course.

Guest Appearances

Drop backs made a guest appearance during my practice today and I'm not exactly sure where they came from. I think yesterday's emotional breakdown was helpful in that it allowed me to release some of the residual fear and anxiety I was holding on to from the fall. I also think today was different because I was focused internally and wasn't suffering from performance anxiety due to the other yogis in the room.

I practiced 3 urdhva dhanurasana as usual and rocked a bit on the second and third attempt. At this point the rocking is mostly for show as I haven't yet committed mentally to being able to lift myself up, i's funny how the mind the mind works. After that I moved to the wall. I practiced one hang back and then two drop backs. The drop backs weren't stellar but my back did feel fairly open today which gave me the confidence boost to try again in the middle of my mat. Yesterday's anger and frustration were a distant memory. I struggled a bit with the pose as my body kept wanting to spring itself upward whenever I reached that pivotal point of no turning back. During my successful attempt I really tried to focus on all of the feedback that I've been given during the previous couple of weeks; hips forward, strong engaged legs, engaged bandhas, gaze focused on my mat almost looking towards my ankles. With a strong foundation in place I bent my knees for dear life, reached my arms back and softly placed my hands on the floor behind me. Once down I rocked a bit (a little bit more than a cursory effort at this point) then laid down on my mat. I stood up to attempt it again but a second drop back just wasn't in the cards for me today. I don't think JB witnessed today's accomplishment but one of my shalamates/assistants was there watching me and encouraging me throughout the most of the effort (in between his drop back/tic toc practice). At one point he even came over to give me a little pep talk which was nice. I got a huge smile and approving nod from him after my successful attempt.

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Back to My Roots

I did a bit of yoga tourism this weekend and opted for a vinyasa class in lieu of a regular Saturday practice of an oil bath. In an essence I went back to my roots because the class was with one of my favorite vinyasa teachers. I really enjoy his class because he has an ashtanga and iyengar background and he does great sequencing in his classes. One of the reasons why I can't bear most vinyasa/power vinyasa classes any more is because most of the teachers at the studio can't sequence a class to save their lives. I'm not the most flexible yogini out there but give me enough warm up postures beforehand and the odds of me approximating a posture requiring lots of flexibility increases.

Today it was back to mysore class and overall it was good. I had some soreness in my hips and upper back from some of the poses we did yesterday but nothing that really negatively affected my practice. I did notice that my forward bend in the surya namaskars felt deeper than usual and I'm not sure what to attribute that to.

For the past week or so I've been working on binding my wrists in all of the marichasyna poses with mixed results. I can bind consistently in A and C and in B I've been able to wrist bind on the right side only. I've only attempted a wrist bind in my head when it came to D because my ability to actually get into that pose consistently can be a bit touch and go. Today as I held my fingers on the right side in marichyasana D one of the assistants came over and suggested the I grab my wrist. I gave it a feeble attempt and told him that it wasn't going to happen today. After some instruction on which hand grabs which wrist I made a second attempt and to my surprise was able to grab my wrist. I attempted the left side as well and I was shocked when I was able to do it. After exiting the pose the assistant said "the next thing you want to work on is grabbing your shin to deepen the twist." I told him that I would think about it for the next couple of days and that all I really wanted to think about in the moment was my little victory.

When it came time to practice drop backs I tried several times against the wall then moved to the middle of my mat. I tried unsuccessfully to drop back two times before I found myself getting completely frustrated and on the verge of tears. I thought I would be able to do assisted but I was such a hot emotional mess at that point that I opted out. I'm not a big cryer at least not in public which is why I'm going to take the opportunity to blame today's emotional breakdown on my pending ladies holiday.


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Oh Saṃskāra

JB is back from vacation after a two week hiatus and it's nice to have him back in the shala. It was so nice to do the opening chant together in unison again. I was excited to show him my drop back progress but unfortunately they've been elusive ever since I fell on my head twice. I'm not particularly stressed out about it but the saṃskāra from the fall is now there and is hindering my progress. Let's just hope that this too like all things is impermanent.

Other than that practice has been good the past week. No major breakthroughs but I am noticing some minor progress in my second series postures. When I attempt pashasana on my own my fingertips just barely manage to touch and krounchasana still makes me feel like I was to puke but slightly less these days. I'm getting stronger in shalambasana and noticing more flexibility in my back. And then there's bhekasana. My version of this pose is still just an approximation of the actual asana but today I did manage to grab both feet and hold on for four full breaths. My chest was a mere millimeters off the ground but my standards for progress are low.

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Today I Fell...

...on my head! Not once but twice. Yes, the big thud heard in the shala and the subsequent cursing was me. Technically I didn't fall per se, I managed to drop myself back on my head. Not once but twice. Because of the holiday the shala was practically empty so there weren't many witnesses.

For some reason I felt must stiffer in my back today and the drop backs that arrived by surprise last week disappeared as quickly as they arrived. The fall onto the top of my head wasn't as bad as I had feared it would be when I first started practicing drop backs. But then again I always thought it was one of those irrational fears that would never possibly come to pass but I guess I was a little naive. Since the fall wasn't as bad as I had feared I got back up and tried a few more times once with marginal success and once with a second big thud. In a way I'm kind of happy that it happened because the reality isn't as bad as I thought it would be and I can learn from my mistakes. However, today obviously wasn't the day for that learning to come into play and thankfully there's always tomorrow and the prospect of practicing with blankets.

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If a Yogini Drops Back and No One is Around to See It...

I thoroughly Sunday morning practice. The fact that I can wake up later than usual and practice without the pressure of having to go to work afterwards makes it especially enjoyable. Also, Saturday's rest day coupled with an oil bath means that my body is extra supple during practice.

Practice felt great today and I was able to get my chin or forehead to my knee is almost every pose and my bakasana exit out of supta kurmasana wasn't a fluke as I've managed to do it every day this week. I even managed to hold kukkutasana for the second time ever. While primary felt solid, my intermediate poses on the other hand still need a lot of work. I need almost two people to wrangle me into pashana, krounchasana still makes me feel like I'm going to puke and my bhekasana is practically non-existent. After the struggle with those I was thrilled to move on to back bending.

I did three urdhva dhanurasanas and felt no residual pain or tightness in the recovering rib cage area then moved to the wall to practice my drop backs. I've never been a fan of using the wall but I tried it on Thursday thanks to the suggestion of one of the assistants. When I tried dropping back to the wall today a different assistant suggested that I move further away from the wall so that I wasn't completely relying on it for support. It was a little frightening at first but once I realized that I could reach my hands back to the wall for support it felt a little less scary. I did three of those and moved my mat back and decided to try once more without the wall just to see hoe it would feel. To my surprise (it was actually more like shock) I dropped all the
way down to the floor. I thought it was a complete fluke so I tried once more and yet again I touched down. Unfortunately, JB is away on vacation and didn't see it and neither did any of the assistants so it was kind of anti-climactic. I think that when I try again tomorrow I'll wait until I have the attention of the entire room to make sure that they see it happen.


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Practicing with an Injury

Yesterday was my first day back on the mat since a mysterious pain in my right ribs sidelined me for 9 days. The official diagnosis was intercostal myalgia with a prognosis for healing in two weeks.

I couldn't stay away from practice for another week for fear of muscle atrophy and fear that I would happen again. Needless to say that Sunday's practice was a severely modified version of primary and of course and I got no adjustments except in assisted back bending. As a result I had a very unsatisfying practice on Sunday. Oddly enough my muscles started feeling sore later in the afternoon and I knew this wasn't a good sign. I took a salt bath in the evening and hoped for the best in the morning.

This morning I passed the sneeze test which means that I felt no pain when sneezing and I thought a more satisfying practice might be in the cards. Alas I still couldn't jump back or through and I had to be very careful in the marichyasanas even opting out of marichyasana d completely. A couple of times I just paused on my mat and said to myself "why am I even here". When it came time for back bending I practiced one hang back and before I knew it the assistant was standing in front of me. She asked how I was feeling and I responded honestly that I was feeling much better but still experiencing some pain. She then said that she wasn't going to do assisted drop backs. Of course I pouted and frowned and insisted that back bending wasn't painful at all, which was the truth. So she seemed convinced and we got on with the show.

I'm at a point in my practice where back bending is like my drug. If I can't do back bending then why even bother putting myself through the torturous forward bending in primary. It's like having dinner without dessert.

Goodbye to the Pee Wee League

This morning's practice was in stark contrast to yesterday's. Yesterday I couldn't stop yawning from the first surya onwards, I wanted to put in the minimum amount of effort to execute each asana and I had no desire to be adjusted at all. The irony of yesterday's practice is that I received adjustments all along the way even in poses that I'm rarely adjusted in, such as virabhadrasana I. It was also suggested that I could consider jumping back in lotus position and any other day I would have given it a try but yesterday I just filed in away in my "to try later drawer".

Today on the other hand I was feeling quite well on the mat and there was less tightness in my legs thank yesterday which I was grateful for. Practice proceeded as usual until I got up to baddha konasana. I actually completed my variation of the pose when I heard my teacher caller my name. He was two or three people away assisting a newbie and using his non verbal communication skills he made it known that he wanted me to wait for him so we could do the pose again. Naturally, I used my best non verbal communication skills and grimaced back at him. It was at that point that he decided verbal communication would be best and he promised not to torture me. I wasn't completely convinced but I went along with it anyway. He came over sat beside me and showed me how my feet should actually be placed in the pose. In his rendition, his the tops of his feet are nearly flesh with the floor with his heels touching. In my rendition my heels were basically just touching. When I got into the pose and was adjusted using his foot positioning things felt a lot less torturous. I actually felt the stretch mostly in my inner thigh region as opposed to my lower back/hip/sacrum region. Dare I say that I'm excited to try it again tomorrow?

In other news, before today back bending used to be a highlight of my practice. I would do three urdhva dhanurasanas a couple of assisted back bends and that was it. Easy breezy. I of course recognize that I was in the pee wee league of back bending where I thought I would be spending the next couple of months at least. So imagine my surprise when I was told that I would soon be entering the minor leagues with nary a discussion or forewarning. He had me practice dropping back on my own with him spotting me. Even being spotted it ain't easy. We tried it three times and by the third time I was practically hyperventilating and gasping for air. He told me to inhale and lift up but I blurted out "I can't breathe" instead. I eventually somehow found myself standing upright and paused for a few moments to catch my breath.  Maybe after today's episode he'll decide to keep me in the pee wee league a little longer.